Keep Breathing

I try so hard not to be angry at life.  I remind myself of the positives daily and tell myself over and over again how lucky I am.  Some days though, it all hits me and I fall apart.  This weekend was very emotional for me.  I’m not sure if it was the lack of sleep (thanks CC), the fact that I signed a contract to sell my beautiful home, or that I just needed to breakdown.  I cried off and on all weekend for no apparent reason.  Well, there is a reason…there are lots of reasons.  This divorce is really testing me and my limits.  My ex is manipulating my mind and my heart.  I’m questioning all I’ve ever felt…the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I feel so strong and then I crumble to the floor.  All it takes is one email or text and I’m paralyzed with anger and fear.  Anger at what’s become of the family I worked so hard for.  Anger at who I’ve learned he really is.  Anger at my shattered dream.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of what do CC and I do now…where do we go…how to we put the pieces of our lives back together again.  Being in this house give us some comfort.  How’s it going to be when we’re in an apartment smaller than our basement?  When CC can’t run/ride her bike/push her shopping cart through each room of the house in a complete circle?  Her favorite game is for me to chase her while our dog, Di, chases me around and around the house.  Will we still be able to do that? 

This past weekend it was so cold outside that CC decided to take Di on a walk with his leash through the house.  It was probably the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen.  He looked at me like, “Mom, do I really have to do this?”  And I told him, “Yes, it makes your sister happy.  You’re her best friend and she needs this.”  20 minutes later they were still going strong but I’m not sure who was walking who!  J 

 

And there it is…the little things that make life worthwhile and remind us to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Resolutions for 2013

I’ve been thinking about resolutions in general for some time.  Too often in the past I’ve put little thought into choosing my resolutions for the New Year and even less effort into keeping them.  I want 2013 to be different and it will be because I’m going into it with a different mindset.  For hundreds of days I’ve been researching happiness and I’ve been doing some soul searching.  So I’m facing 2013 with eyes wide open and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Take care of myself first

I’m a better mother, woman, daughter, friend, relative, employee, ect when I take care of myself first.  It’s so much easier said than done but it needs to be a priority.  How will I do this?  I will be more active daily, eat real food, relax more, breathe, and forgive myself readily. 

Set a good example

My godson wrote me the most beautiful Christmas card with his observations of me.  It warmed my heart so much that I’ve been reading it daily and have realized that this is how I want the world, specifically those I love most, to see me and remember me.  So this year I will continue to smile and have a positive outlook even when I’m feeling anything but.  Positive thinking breeds positive results and it’s so much easier to just smile. 

Enjoy my life today

I will stop thinking about the past and the future so much and just enjoy the moment.  My beautiful daughter is teaching me to live in the present each day.  When I’m with her, I’m fully with her and I’m in tune to her wants and needs.  I want to become more that way with all the people in my life.  She’s my best teacher and I hope to be hers in return. 

Now for my more specific goals:

Keep on running! 

I will run in the 8k Shamrock Shuffle in April, Solider Field 10mile in May, and the Chicago Women’s Half Marathon in June.    

Keep on blogging! 

I will commit to writing at least one entry a week, preferably more. 

Keep on photo’ing! 

I will continue to hone my photography skills through self learning and stepping outside the box.

Keep on friend’ing! 

I will repair old friendships, improve those I have, and encourage new ones.

Cheers to a fabulous 2013! 

Out with the old and in with the new….thank goodness!