Simple Things

 Since becoming a mother, I tend to be more appreciative of the simple things in life.   Like a morning when everything goes smoothly with only one meltdown and when I get to work I don’t look like I’ve already been through World War III.  An evening where we have time to squeeze in a walk before our normal nighttime routine and bedtime is full of kisses rather than screams.  I still ask myself daily, do I have enough money for groceries?  When am I going to get the laundry done?  Am I ever going to get a good night sleep again?  But the difference is I don’t stress about it anymore.  Well maybe sometimes but not all the time…which is a huge improvement to me! 

When CC throws a tantrum at the dinner table, I move her plate away and let her.  After she’s calmed down, I open my arms to her while she climbs onto my lap and snuggles into me.  Times when I notice that I’m short with her, I make a point to sit on the floor and look in her eyes when I tell her I’m sorry and that mama’s having a bad day and didn’t mean to take it out on her.  I tell her what I’m feeling because I want her to understand her feelings and know that feelings are never wrong.  If she wakes up at four in the morning and asks me to read her a book instead of cuddling in bed, I do because there’s going to be a time when she won’t want me to read to her anymore. 

I often wonder if I could have been this type of mother with CC if I were still married.  Well technically I’m still married but you know what I mean.  J  During my marriage, everything fell on my shoulders whether I wanted it to or not.  I felt like I had to do all and be all to everyone thus I wasn’t able to just be.  I didn’t watch tv for years because when I would sit for a minute, I would remember a thousand other things I could be doing and I’d get up and do them.  Now when I feel done for the night, I let myself be done.  I make a cup of coffee, grab a blanket, and cuddle on the couch with a book or a favorite show.  The best part is…I no longer feel the guilt that I once did.  CC will always have enough clean clothes.  There will always be something in the pantry to cook.  Sometimes the best nights are when I’m not sleeping at all but instead I’m holding my baby girl in my arms while she sleeps.  Someday she’ll be too big to rock to sleep and I’ll be thankful that all those sleepless nights are etched in my mind forever.